Every relationship has its springtime; then winter rolls around. Winter can come in a few days, a few weeks, or a few months but, with rare exception, it sure does come.

This may seem to happen for a variety of reasons – everyone has a story about why a given relationship didn’t work out – and we tend to buy into these stories. There is, however, a bigger truth at work than these narratives.

In reality, winter in relationships happens for one big reason: Very few people are trained in relationship skills. Worse, most of us deal with conflicts and tensions in relationships by relying on coping mechanisms and patterns learned in childhood and teenage years – and in most cases these patterns are actually disruptive of relationships, when not absolutely destructive of them.

This is easily remedied by two things. One is professional Life and Couples coaching. The other is an absolute willingness on your part to become a student of effective relationship skills and of the healthy way to understand and approach relationship that a coach like myself will impart to you.

It doesn’t matter the current stage or pattern of your relationships. You can be at the early dating stage, you can have experienced a lot of failed short term relationships or affairs, you can be with someone for months or years. What matters is this: If you want to have a great relationship that endures past the early romantic, sexual phase, you need to learn modern relationship skills in order to gain and keep real closeness to one another.

This learning doesn’t come automatically– it can take tens of years of trial and error and ups and downs in relationships to figure it out – and that’s why Life and Couples coaching is booming. Why takes a trillion years to accomplish a state of partnership satisfaction when, given modern research and knowledge, you can learn your way into a great relationship in a few weeks to a few months, depending on how actively you apply yourself?

First, you must learn an alternative to blaming your partner or yourself. You must be accountable for your actions and get out of “the blame game.” Blaming others doesn’t solve anything. Instead, it is important to understand why you and your partner feel and behave the way you do when challenges arise- and then learn how to resolve problems in a mature manner.

Second, arguments and disagreements can actually be resolved after you have been taught some superb and easily-learned methods to deal with them. Simply learning the techniques for creating agreement and closeness provides so much confidence that it is much easier when a challenge arises for you not to go into reaction and to take a moment instead to think about the situation rather than say or do something that will make matters worse.

Third, keeping agreements is still another core principle. Better to go back and renegotiate even the simplest agreement – “I will wash the dishes tonight” – than break trust.

Fourth, open communications are essential to prevent each person wondering what’s happening with her or his partner – a gap most of us tend to fill with projections, worries and fantasies.

While there is considerably more than these four principles to learn, a smart basic way to approach working with a Life and Couples coach is to start by accepting the real world truth – which is that most relationship difficulties, from the early dating stage on, are caused by the tension and misunderstanding created by two people who simply don’t know (because they haven’t yet been taught) how to make the other person feel safe EVEN while retaining their own autonomy.

Life and Couples Coaching can teach you that and much more. It can take you way past resentments and tensions. It can help you and your partner get out of your own ways and each other’s way so that you are each relating from a place of authentic self and tremendous acceptance.

It can, in fact, get you to an exquisite state of existence of a sort you may only have had hints of in your life.

It does this by showing you what needs to be changed and how to make those needed changes almost painlessly.

We all sometimes need good teachers and good guidance to take us past the “flaws” we think we and our partners have that show up in relationships. A skilled Life and Couples coach can be the ideal person to turn to in times of turmoil, because that’s how you can discover that such flaws almost always result only from everyone’s backwards original education in the most crucial of human experiences – in how we are to relate to each other.

By contrast, a Life and Couples coach like myself can teach you truly effective, very neat and satisfying relating skills. For most people, the sooner you learn, the sooner your relationship and life can improve.

You can contact me for a free 20-minute consultation at Private@JayLevin.com

Jay Levin - Levin Life Mastery - Levin Life Mastery

RESERVATIONS: info@jaylevin.com  310-628-7761

Jay Levin - Levin Life Mastery - Levin Life Mastery

Every relationship has its springtime; then winter rolls around. Winter can come in a few days, a few weeks, or a few months but, with rare exception, it sure does come.

This may seem to happen for a variety of reasons – everyone has a story about why a given relationship didn’t work out – and we tend to buy into these stories. There is, however, a bigger truth at work than these narratives.

In reality, winter in relationships happens for one big reason: Very few people are trained in relationship skills. Worse, most of us deal with conflicts and tensions in relationships by relying on coping mechanisms and patterns learned in childhood and teenage years – and in most cases these patterns are actually disruptive of relationships, when not absolutely destructive of them.

This is easily remedied by two things. One is professional Life and Couples coaching. The other is an absolute willingness on your part to become a student of effective relationship skills and of the healthy way to understand and approach relationship that a coach like myself will impart to you.

It doesn’t matter the current stage or pattern of your relationships. You can be at the early dating stage, you can have experienced a lot of failed short term relationships or affairs, you can be with someone for months or years. What matters is this: If you want to have a great relationship that endures past the early romantic, sexual phase, you need to learn modern relationship skills in order to gain and keep real closeness to one another.

This learning doesn’t come automatically– it can take tens of years of trial and error and ups and downs in relationships to figure it out – and that’s why Life and Couples coaching is booming. Why takes a trillion years to accomplish a state of partnership satisfaction when, given modern research and knowledge, you can learn your way into a great relationship in a few weeks to a few months, depending on how actively you apply yourself?

First, you must learn an alternative to blaming your partner or yourself. You must be accountable for your actions and get out of “the blame game.” Blaming others doesn’t solve anything. Instead, it is important to understand why you and your partner feel and behave the way you do when challenges arise- and then learn how to resolve problems in a mature manner.

Second, arguments and disagreements can actually be resolved after you have been taught some superb and easily-learned methods to deal with them. Simply learning the techniques for creating agreement and closeness provides so much confidence that it is much easier when a challenge arises for you not to go into reaction and to take a moment instead to think about the situation rather than say or do something that will make matters worse.

Third, keeping agreements is still another core principle. Better to go back and renegotiate even the simplest agreement – “I will wash the dishes tonight” – than break trust.

Fourth, open communications are essential to prevent each person wondering what’s happening with her or his partner – a gap most of us tend to fill with projections, worries and fantasies.

While there is considerably more than these four principles to learn, a smart basic way to approach working with a Life and Couples coach is to start by accepting the realworld truth – which is that most relationship difficulties, from the early dating stage on, are caused by the tension and misunderstanding created by two people who simply don’t know (because they haven’t yet been taught) how to make the other person feel safe EVEN while retaining their own autonomy.
Life and Couples Coaching can teach you that and much more. It can take you way past resentments and tensions. It can help you and your partner get out of your own ways and each other’s way so that you are each relating from a place of authentic self and tremendous acceptance.

It can, in fact, get you to an exquisite state of existence of a sort you may only have had hints of in your life.

It does this by showing you what needs to be changed and how to make those needed changes almost painlessly.

We all sometimes need good teachers and good guidance to take us past the “flaws” we think we and our partners have that show up in relationships. A skilled Life and Couples coach can be the ideal person to turn to in times of turmoil, because that’s how you can discover that such flaws almost always result only from everyone’s backwards original education in the most crucial of human experiences – in how we are to relate to each other.

By contrast, a Life and Couples coach like myself can teach you truly effective, very neat and satisfying relating skills. For most people, the sooner you learn, the sooner your relationship and life can improve.

Jay Levin - Levin Life Mastery - Levin Life Mastery

Ever wonder what makes a Qaddafi? Here’s a thought: It is exactly the same component in you and me that thinks I am better than person A and not as good as person B. It is the deeply entrenched program and social training to be better than – and one up on – the next person, rather than simply to excel for its own sweet sake.

Ever diss someone, or judge someone harshly? Ever diminish someone or have someone seek to diminish you? Ever get seriously on your own case with “not good enough” about this or that? Underlying that behavior is the judgmental and separation program the culture has immersed you in since you were born.

This is a way of looking at the world that is NOT universal – there are cultures that do not train their children to think this way. It is not “innate human nature.” It is simply endemic in hierarchal societies – and unfortunately most of the earth’s human population lives in such societies.

As I explain in detail in the Free Download, the core of this mind trainingis a sense of being separate from others – just like Mr. Qaddafi. What does this have to do with earthquakes and hurricanes? Well, when you aren’t mentally and emotionally trained from birth in how to experience yourself as connected to the world and are instead trained in feeling separate from and either better or worse than others, you are automatically denied the experience of a startlingly different and healthier sense of reality.

This happens to include how you would view and relate to the natural world.

We are not better or less than nature; we are in symbiotic connection with it. And when you cannot “live” that truth, then what takes hold is the false human belief that nature does not react to the human species in a major way. Otherwise that false belief would be a thought your mind would never entertain.

In this other reality, there would be no Rick Perry’s or Sarah Palin’s denial of the human contribution to global warming (which has accelerated hurricanes) or to earthquakes as we drain oil resources from the substrata, blow up the substrata by “fracking” for natural gas, dig deep wounds into the seabed, eliminate entire mountain ranges for mining purposes, and so forth. Such denial would literally be unthinkable.

Without judgmental and separation conditioning by the society, there would also be no wars, only collective thinking on how best to raise the quality of life for humanity without harming other species or each other. What a paradise, you say? You bet…except that the gap to get there is immense and is the same that causes you to think person A is better or worse than person B – and causes Quaddifi to be Qaddafi , who is just a more extreme expression and example of that core separation mind training.

How did that gap come about? The short version is that we innately very wise and sensitive human beings get diverted from our true selves by the nature of what we experience from childhood on. Few of us experience unconditional love, unconditional and open communications, and unfettered education in and permission for our feelings. Few of us are nurtured in a way that we retain the sense of connection with which we came in – nurtured in a manner that allows us to feel 100% safe, fully seen and appreciated, and free to express ourselves, including our emotions.

Instead, we deal with the shock of not getting this nurturing experience by developing the coping mechanisms I detailed in my earlier blogs and by developing a chattering, judgmental mind (vs. evaluation thinking) infused in us by the society. We also develop strong negative emotions that look for outlets, such as venting on someone we judge against.

All this separates us from our real selves – and so we try to make up a “self.”Psychologists call this the creation of the “Idealized Self” – a picture of ourselves that we think will work in the world and which we form up roughly from the age of 3 up to teenage years.

The deep and wrenching problem is that this false self – this “double” as they call it in the East – is trained in competition between humans to be one up or one down – it is not trained in experiencing and creating connection. It is a purely reactive self-image that we want the world to salute – and beware if the world doesn’t. To protect itself, most of us are busy jumping on other people’s cases and on our own and vice versa.

Just think of how you behave in relationship when you think you’ve been slighted. That’s a measure of how vulnerable you are when your self-image is challenged.

This one-up, one-down stuff runs a huge amount of human affairs. It accounts for much of our anxiety and all of our repression and societal rip-offs. The gangs on Wall St. who rigged the political and financial system at the expense of hundreds of millions of people around the world, love the top dog role all that money and power brings. They are completely separate from the consequences of their behavior – basically disconnected in their mental realities.

The bigger truth is that none of us get off lightly with the up-manship mentality. We clique up in HS with “in” and “out” groups. We huddle up ethnically and racially. We clique up politically and decide our team is better. We clique up over sports and as nation states – and God forbid a politician should suggest that the U.S. is not top dog, the absolute bestest and mostest and most innocent and most extraordinary do-gooding thing ever. As top dog we can justify bombing to death 2 or 3 million peasants in South Asia who don’t want us in their country, or justify destroying Iraq.

That disconnected mindset has no bounds. The Nazis said the Germans were better than the Jews and, accordingly, gave themselves the right to mass murder Jews. Many Jews and most Israelis say the Jews are better than the Palestinians and therefore the Jews have the right to steal Palestinian land by force of arms and brutally suppress any resistance.

You get it. Just think of the groups or people you put over others – and then recognize that the very process of your doing so is and defines separation thinking. Out of that destructive way of framing the world, you get every form of poverty and oppression as the “winners” constitute themselves as separate from those below on the class and cash scale and manipulate the system to their advantage.

Or maybe you just strive to be cooler than everyone else!

This way of thinking has a profound effect on individual lives. It is at the root of disrupted lives, anger, depression, and dysfunctional behavior of every stripe. It creates social injustice. And it is the root of the sense that your own life might not be working as well as you’d like.

Fact is it can’t work as well as you’d like unless you retrain yourself to live and express from your authentic self and not from your programmed, separated, Idealized Self.

It is the work of Life Coaches like myself to train people to get their false selves (and their childhood training in creating disconnection) out of the way so they can experience the fullness and joy and true success of a connected life. That leaves the only major question for any individual.

When do I start?

Jay Levin - Levin Life Mastery - Levin Life Mastery

Here is a premise to ponder: That you were born psychic and intuitive – meaning you had extra-sensory radar that could move beyond time and space and report back with information you had not heard nor seen, tasted, smelled or touched.

Every now and then you get glimmers of that psychic ability which you likely define as “intuition.” There is something you just “know” or feel. Many if not most times we dismiss this
and can be heard later saying , “Oh, if I had only followed my intuition about this situation (or person).”

Based on our premise, that you were born psychic – meaning with access to knowledge and information that did not come through your five senses – then those moments of intuition or psychic knowingness are not remarkable in their own right.

They only stand out against a general daily life in which you normally are not in touch with this side of yourself and instead you are running on – and thinking with – other information and systems.

In fact, we know from a pretty voluminous amount of research into psychic phenomenon by researchers associated with many leading universities and institutions, that psychic phenomena is NOT so unusual.
Some people have an extraordinary amount of it. Others have inklings.

Continuing with our premise, if you were born psychic what are the implications of this?

That you must have some sort of yet unexplained receptors that allows you to read or detect subtle information fields.

That those subtle information fields exist somewhere.

That this must be an innate ability varying with different people.

That this ability must be somewhat quashed or encouraged by the experiences in childhood, including the way you are nurtured and programmed by family, friends and community, because so many of us don’t retain much of it.

That this ability is not something you created.

That if it is innate and lying dormant in you, there may be ways to reclaim that ability by clearing away the programmed, reactive and emotional blocks to accessing it.

That the blocks to it can be cleared given that some people become more intuitive and psychic as they age or train themselves differently.

Enter now certain types of life coaches. Our job is to teach you to get the emotional and psychological blocks out of the way so that this deeper inner knowing element of yourself can come forward – and it is deeper and wiser than the word “psychic” implies.

Some of us like myself also teach methods of more readily accessing your deeper knowingness, intuition and psychic reality. In fact,

I have taken groups of people each of whom has proclaimed to have no psychic abilities whatever, and shown them with one simple exercise how much they actually know about a stranger in the room with them.

Why remove the blocks and regain this aptitude? Because the “thinking” and chattering parts of your mind make so many mistakes. Also because by your believing this mind activity is you and by then giving it so much authority over your decisions, you block a remarkably different (and more success-inducing) way of knowing, understanding and moving through life.

And if you want to know more about what I mean by that or how you got to be who you are now, check my Free Download lecture and earlier blogs.

My own psychic abilities allow me to provide “soul readings” that identify your authentic self and help clear up major questions in your life.  You can contact me for a free 20-minute consultation at Private@JayLevin.com

Jay Levin - Levin Life Mastery - Levin Life Mastery

Jay Levin - Levin Life Mastery - Levin Life Mastery

Jay Levin - Levin Life Mastery - Levin Life Mastery

Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging!

Jay Levin - Levin Life Mastery - Levin Life Mastery

Ever wonder what makes a Qaddafi? Here’s a thought: It is exactly the same component in you and me that thinks I am better than person A and not as good as person B. It is the deeply entrenched program and social training to be better than – and one up on – the next person, rather than simply to excel for its own sweet sake.

Ever diss someone, or judge someone harshly? Ever diminish someone or have someone seek to diminish you? Ever get seriously on your own case with “not good enough” about this or that? Underlying that behavior is the judgmental and separation program the culture has immersed you in since you were born.

This is a way of looking at the world that is NOT universal – there are cultures that do not train their children to think this way. It is not “innate human nature.” It is simply endemic in hierarchal societies – and unfortunately most of the earth’s human population lives in such societies.

As I explain in detail in the Free Download, the core of this mind trainingis a sense of being separate from others – just like Mr. Qaddafi. What does this have to do with earthquakes and hurricanes? Well, when you aren’t mentally and emotionally trained from birth in how to experience yourself as connected to the world and are instead trained in feeling separate from and either better or worse than others, you are automatically denied the experience of a startlingly different and healthier sense of reality.

This happens to include how you would view and relate to the natural world.

We are not better or less than nature; we are in symbiotic connection with it. And when you cannot “live” that truth, then what takes hold is the false human belief that nature does not react to the human species in a major way. Otherwise that false belief would be a thought your mind would never entertain.

In this other reality, there would be no Rick Perry’s or Sarah Palin’s denial of the human contribution to global warming (which has accelerated hurricanes) or to earthquakes as we drain oil resources from the substrata, blow up the substrata by “fracking” for natural gas, dig deep wounds into the seabed, eliminate entire mountain ranges for mining purposes, and so forth. Such denial would literally be unthinkable.

Without judgmental and separation conditioning by the society, there would also be no wars, only collective thinking on how best to raise the quality of life for humanity without harming other species or each other. What a paradise, you say? You bet…except that the gap to get there is immense and is the same that causes you to think person A is better or worse than person B – and causes Quaddifi to be Qaddafi , who is just a more extreme expression and example of that core separation mind training.

How did that gap come about? The short version is that we innately very wise and sensitive human beings get diverted from our true selves by the nature of what we experience from childhood on. Few of us experience unconditional love, unconditional and open communications, and unfettered education in and permission for our feelings. Few of us are nurtured in a way that we retain the sense of connection with which we came in – nurtured in a manner that allows us to feel 100% safe, fully seen and appreciated, and free to express ourselves, including our emotions.

Instead, we deal with the shock of not getting this nurturing experience by developing the coping mechanisms I detailed in my earlier blogs and by developing a chattering, judgmental mind (vs. evaluation thinking) infused in us by the society. We also develop strong negative emotions that look for outlets, such as venting on someone we judge against.

All this separates us from our real selves – and so we try to make up a “self.”Psychologists call this the creation of the “Idealized Self” – a picture of ourselves that we think will work in the world and which we form up roughly from the age of 3 up to teenage years.

The deep and wrenching problem is that this false self – this “double” as they call it in the East – is trained in competition between humans to be one up or one down – it is not trained in experiencing and creating connection. It is a purely reactive self-image that we want the world to salute – and beware if the world doesn’t. To protect itself, most of us are busy jumping on other people’s cases and on our own and vice versa.

Just think of how you behave in relationship when you think you’ve been slighted. That’s a measure of how vulnerable you are when your self-image is challenged.

This one-up, one-down stuff runs a huge amount of human affairs. It accounts for much of our anxiety and all of our repression and societal rip-offs. The gangs on Wall St. who rigged the political and financial system at the expense of hundreds of millions of people around the world, love the top dog role all that money and power brings. They are completely separate from the consequences of their behavior – basically disconnected in their mental realities.

The bigger truth is that none of us get off lightly with the up-manship mentality. We clique up in HS with “in” and “out” groups. We huddle up ethnically and racially. We clique up politically and decide our team is better. We clique up over sports and as nation states – and God forbid a politician should suggest that the U.S. is not top dog, the absolute bestest and mostest and most innocent and most extraordinary do-gooding thing ever. As top dog we can justify bombing to death 2 or 3 million peasants in South Asia who don’t want us in their country, or justify destroying Iraq.

That disconnected mindset has no bounds. The Nazis said the Germans were better than the Jews and, accordingly, gave themselves the right to mass murder Jews. Many Jews and most Israelis say the Jews are better than the Palestinians and therefore the Jews have the right to steal Palestinian land by force of arms and brutally suppress any resistance.

You get it. Just think of the groups or people you put over others – and then recognize that the very process of your doing so is and defines separation thinking. Out of that destructive way of framing the world, you get every form of poverty and oppression as the “winners” constitute themselves as separate from those below on the class and cash scale and manipulate the system to their advantage.

Or maybe you just strive to be cooler than everyone else!

This way of thinking has a profound effect on individual lives. It is at the root of disrupted lives, anger, depression, and dysfunctional behavior of every stripe. It creates social injustice. And it is the root of the sense that your own life might not be working as well as you’d like.

Fact is it can’t work as well as you’d like unless you retrain yourself to live and express from your authentic self and not from your programmed, separated, Idealized Self.

It is the work of Life Coaches like myself to train people to get their false selves (and their childhood training in creating disconnection) out of the way so they can experience the fullness and joy and true success of a connected life. That leaves the only major question for any individual.

When do I start?

Jay Levin - Levin Life Mastery - Levin Life Mastery

You can expect that the current round of stock market volatility is going to be tougher emotionally on a larger number of people than even 2008’s crash. You mightalso find it to be much tougher on your relationships with life and business partners, family and even friends.

The reason is simple: unlike in 2008, more of us sense on a deeper psychic level that the system is actually broken. Our standard all- American faith that a quick fix might be possible has been shattered by the persistence of high unemployment and by the outrageous and unreal nature of politics in the U.S – to the degree that many people now suspect, and not surprisingly, that elections no longer make a difference. The most recent poll: 76% of Americans think the country is headed in the wrong direction.

The emerging sense that something fundamental has gone wrong – as in fact it has – has increased generalized anxiety and stress. Therapists and social workers confirm rising emotional and psychological issues among the populace. Most humans are not trained to deal with uncertainty, the way astronauts are trained, and so we tend to trigger into confusion, anxiety, anger and depression when the Big U shows up.

Like any emotions, we can suppress them just so long before they find an outlet. One notable public outlet was Tea Party member public anger over Obamacare.

One always reliable private outlet is our relationships, which tend to take poundings in times like this unless we give ourselves the training to manage them.

What I call “obliteration fear” arises alongside economic uncertainty. People tend to get closer in their unconscious and in their imaginations to some picture of bleak fate. Most of us are ill-trained by the society and our family upbringings to deal creatively with this fear and uncertainty. Instead, we rely on coping mechanisms we developed in childhood to manage family stress or not getting our core emotional needs met.

There are only six of these mechanisms: fight, flight, seek approval, control, manipulate, or sacrifice yourself to “fix” or enable someone else.

We tend to have one or more of these coping mechanisms dominate our reactive behavior, although most of us rely on more than one in dealing with other people and with difficult situations. You can figure out which ones you most rely on.

A problem with coping mechanisms is that they don’t fix the problem. In fact they aggravate the underlying emotions of fear, anger, sadness/despair and shock. And aggravated emotions find their outlet, very often against the person with whom you are in relationship.

As a life coach who trains people to deal with these issues, I know there are healthy fixes that enrich a person’s entire life. There isn’t space here to share that training but I will explain one helpful relief practice called Soma Breathing.

Instead of acting out, locate the emotional pain in your body. Focus on that part of your body and then simultaneously focus on directing your breath to that area. Don’t change your breathing pattern; instead, simply guide the breath to the pained area and feel it touching the area as a sweet kiss of soothing. As it leaves imagine it carrying away a small amount of the stress.

Do this for a few minutes to warm up and then intuitively pick a soothing color and image to breathe in alongside the breath – or as colored breath. Continue until you feel the emotional outburst or deep pain moment has passed. Use as frequently and as long as needed.

For additional guidance, you can check the Free Download on this site. There are also audios available covering training in critical areas of life success and relationships, including emotional and mind mastery.

Beyond this, as a former political journalist and editor, I share the sensibility that something fundamental is amiss in America and I further share the analysis of MSNBC anchor Dylan Ratigan that the core issue is that the vast majority of politicians work for the big money sources that fund their campaigns and not for the overall benefit of the U.S. As Ratigan notes, it is going to take a Constitutional amendment to take money out of politics – and there is no more urgent public matter than to insist of all politicians that they get behind such an Amendment.

Jay Levin - Levin Life Mastery - Levin Life Mastery